When It Hurts, Is God Still There?
I'm a natural doubter. I ask questions, am skeptical, and love to be forever learning. But lately a huge grief has swept over me and I'm asking a big question. God, when this really hurts down here on Earth, are You still there? Many famous atheists and scholars conclude that a loving god (lowercase on purpose) couldn't allow pain so they can't exist. That's exactly the belief I doubt most in my grief. I can't imagine living through pain without a purpose or plan that goes beyond me. I'm a highly sensitive person and pain management isn't my forte. January was beyond hard. Beyond painful. Mind numbingly abrupt and chaotic. I was pregnant for nearly the entire month and suddenly lost our baby. I'm home with my forever baby Liam and can't imagine life without him. I hold him a lot more these days. He seems to sense something is wrong but I can't explain to him what is beyond me. I'm grabbing at every last piece of baby January that I can....
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