Mister Bean

 

December 25, 2023


I miss our cat, Mr. Bean. It's been a short time of about 3 weeks to grieve, so what I can share isn't worth a novel. There have been many touching moments I want to remember. Sharing them will help me heal bit by bit, even if it takes longer than I expected.

Bean's death itself was unexpected and so we're all feeling it differently. I'm dealing with it by hanging onto his last few touched items and slowly letting them go when I'm ready - a shawl he slept on, a blanket from the crate he was carried in, and his brush. That's normal and I don't need to throw them away to let go, but just put them to rest. He was put to rest and now the aftermath is following suit, with lots more raw emotion without him here.

A startling realization I had of Bean was almost right away after trying to clean the house. For the last week of his precious life, he was unable to control his bowels and we were constantly cleaning the floors. He went in every single room of the house, except our bedroom.


This cherished cat was respecting the place he slept, and it moved me to think he had integrity in his suffering to leave the room. I wouldn't have begrudged the fact if he hadn't had control to walk to the other room, due to the sanctity of his life, but I shed many tears in our bedroom because of his sweet nature. I miss him sleeping with us at night and naptime, or on the couch. I miss him being my paperweight on my lap to keep me from falling apart. He helped me calm down and reconnect. 

I have much more to share, and I want to honor Mr Bean, so I'll share as I'm able. Hug your loved ones this Christmas, and have a wonderful new year. 

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